How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others and Find Peace Within

We’ve all done it. Scrolling through social media, seeing someone’s promotion, holiday photos, engagement post, baby pictures, Christmas trees and six pack abs, the list goes on… and suddenly, we feel small. Less accomplished. Behind. Unworthy.

We are taught that jealousy is a “negative” emotion, in fact we often replace with a less shaming word such as envy.

Envy –“a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aoused by someone else’s possession, qualities, or luck”

The impact of this can lead to feeling like being in a daily trap of not feeling enough

Compare and despair!

If you’re tired of measuring your worth by someone else’s highlight reel, you’re not alone—and more importantly, you can unlearn the habit. Here’s how.

Recognise the Root of Comparison

Comparing yourself to others often stems from insecurity or self-doubt. It's your brain’s way of asking, “Am I doing okay?” Instead of answering with self-compassion, we often look outward for validation. When you catch yourself comparing, pause and ask:

• What am I feeling insecure about in this moment?

• Is this comparison helping me or hurting me?

Awareness is the first step to change.

Curate Your Environment

Social media isn’t evil, but how we use it matters. We need to remember to take it with a pinch of salt. People and most certainly influencers are only showing you what they want you to see. If you are following content that makes you feel rubbish then it’s okay to mute, unfollow, or take a break. You don’t need constant reminders of someone else’s filtered life.

Instead, follow people and pages that inspire you, educate you, or make you feel good about yourself.

Celebrate Your Own Wins (Big or small)

It doesn’t need to be a huge achievement to make it a win, it could be something much more manageable, getting out for a walk, only one snooze on the alarm clock or getting to bed 15 minutes earlier. Whatever you do, don’t set yourself up for failure by giving yourself unrealistic goals, this will only make you feel worse. Instead make the goals small and realistic.

Start a “done list” or a journal of wins—small daily moments that remind you of your progress and strength.

Practice Gratitude

Gratitude rewires your brain to focus on what is there rather than what is not there. Every day, list 3 things you’re grateful for—your health, your friends, sunshine on a rainy day.

After a few days of doing this you will start to notice the positive impact.

This is a story I often tell my clients. Do you remember the fable about the tortoise and the hare?

From my experience my peers all seemed to be on the “right” trajectory. Good degree followed by a graduate job, regular promotions, pay rises etc. Buying their first properties, getting married and having babies etc, etc, etc.

This certainly wasn’t my experience and I can’t tell the amount of time I must have wasted worrying why I wasn’t as good as everyone else. I am what you would call I late starter. A complete career change at 35 was the best thing I ever did.

The point I am trying to make is that life is not a race to be rushed through, there is no finish line and just because somebody else seemingly is “winning” that doesn’t make you for being left behind.

Turn Comparison Into Inspiration

When someone else’s success triggers you, try to shift your mindset from jealousy to curiosity:

• What can I learn from this person’s path?

• Can their success remind me that my goals are possible too?

Be Kinder to Yourself

Start listening to how you speak to yourself. If you wouldn’t say it to someone else then don’t say it to yourself. Build on speaking to yourself with compassion and it will soon become a practice. Remember to tell yourself that you are enough.